September 1, 2024

Have you ever wanted to get lost? To wander off of the familiar path?

I love to wander, to explore, to step into the unknown. To go on an adventure where I can't predict what will happen next.

And it scares the crap out of me too. I haven’t quite figured out how to overcome all my fears and be the intrepid explorer I long to be.

The fears seem to keep coming up, no matter how many times I’ve pushed myself out of my comfort zone or feel like I’ve conquered them. It can be extremely frustrating.

And yet, I can still tap into my love of exploration. It really lights me up to discover new things about myself and the world around me. I’m much more comfortable doing that through things like books and online courses. Things that don’t require too much human interaction. It feels much safer that way.

But lately my inner wanderer wants to explore the unknown, even if other people are there too. It’s not so interested in going solo anymore. It keeps tapping me on the shoulder, telling me to try this thing or that. It doesn’t care if it brings up all my fears about other people. It wants the freedom to explore new ways of doing things and create a life more suited to who I really am. To make connections with those scary, unpredictable humans out in the world and to have some fun with them.

I try to ignore it at times. Go back to my old ways of withdrawing and passively soaking up information. But it won’t let me stay put for long. 

It has me signing up to host an in-person World Wide Wander session at the end of this month when I’d rather be a guest than the host. It has me keep working on developing IU into a real business, with real paying customers, when I often feel like throwing in the towel and going back to bookkeeping or something that doesn’t so often leave me feeling confused, overwhelmed, and incapable.

Part of why I started IU was because I was tired of feeling like I had to have all the answers before I even gave myself a chance to try something. I wished a place like that existed for me and other people whose anxiety tended to get the best of us, especially when we had to deal with other people and all their potential judgments and expectations.

I desperately wanted the freedom that comes with saying, “I have no idea what I’m doing. And I’m doing it anyway.” There is incredible freedom in at least allowing yourself to say such a thing to yourself, even if you can’t quite admit it to other people, especially those closest to you. Such a statement or way of operating can bring up a lot of worry from those we love and trigger our own worries in response. Or vice versa.

But sometimes, wandering is the only way to move forward. Accepting that the future is uncertain, the end result unknown. And choosing to step into the uncertainty instead of trying to safeguard against all possible negative outcomes.

As Helen Keller (my tenth cousin, twice removed 😉) said, 

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. God Himself is not secure, having given man dominion over His works! Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. Faith alone defends. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable."

So this month, I'm going to do my best to give my inner wanderer what it wants - the freedom to explore, to try new things, to be excited by new discoveries. Does your inner wanderer want to come out and play too? Join us on Tuesday at 3 PM Eastern/8 PM BST to start wandering.