April 14, 2024

I added a cave full of money to our Cave Home AI Art collection today. I may have gotten carried away again and added a whole lot of pictures. But I was trying to get them to be more what I was envisioning. 

It all started with re-reading this book - Heart Centered Business by Mark Silver. I first read it in October of 2023, before I launched IU. I thought it would be good to revisit at this stage of developing my business. I was feeling a bit stuck the other day, as often happens when pursuing something important to me. Questioning whether this will ever work as a viable business, wondering if it's worth all the emotional turmoil and constant stepping into the unknown. I was just tired of trying.

But I was talking to a friend, commiserating with her about trying to take care of our financial needs without feeling like we have to force ourselves to do things we really don't want to do, i.e. getting a normal job. And uncertain how to do it any other way. During our conversation I brought up the Heart Centered Business book and how I'd found it helpful before. So when I felt myself back in the familiar territory of stuckness, I decided to delve into it again.

I'm only a couple of chapters in at this point, but I'm already getting so much out of it. The author really focuses on the heart and divinity, but without losing touch with reality, with the material world. He actually suggests using our businesses as a spiritual practice. Learning to stay with the discomfort of things that come up in business to connect to our hearts and to the divine.

One of the exercises I did today, led me back to our cave home AI art collection. It had to do with healing my relationship with money. In a guided practice, he instructs you to call the divine into your heart and to ask it to bring money in front of your heart. Not in your heart, as it doesn't belong there, but close to your heart. To notice your reaction. 

I felt a slight deflation, not wanting to deal with money. Then I went a layer deeper. Surprisingly, I found joy. I was expecting anger or sadness. But instead, I remembered how I felt about money as a child. How I loved putting money in my piggy bank, saving the money I received as gifts. The care I took with money and the pride I felt in being a good saver. 

I remembered how that relationship changed when I got older, when I felt forced to get a job I didn't want. How feeling forced to do something really uncomfortable for me changed my relationship with money. It got more complicated, more serious. It took my freedom and my joy away. I no longer felt the pride of being a good saver. I felt the inadequacy of not being a good income producer. And that feeling pretty much took over for a really, really long time.

The next part of the exercise is to ask to be shown what divine qualities are being nurtured through your experience with money. I kept coming to "no force" which doesn't exactly sound divine. I think it has to do with not wanting power over anyone, not wanting to force anyone, in any way, to do something against their will. It's ultimately about freedom of choice. Giving that to myself and to others, as much as I am able. 

Lastly, he instructs you to ask what is one thing the divine would like you to take on in creating a healthier relationship with money. What came to me is incorporating the feelings of joy and pride I had as a child into my current money situation. To see all the different accounts my money is in as a big piggy bank instead of just numbers to deal with on a screen. 

So I started playing with AI in Canva, planning to create something just for me, to remind me of my child self and her feelings of joy and pride related to money. Then I thought it would be cool to add a cave room full of money to our collection. Then I added a girl. Then a girl that looked more like I did as a child. 

I plan to add her to my desktop wallpaper. I have several pictures already that relate to things I want for myself. She'll be a joyful addition I think.